The Calming Effect of Consistency

Many times throughout life, we experience times when nothing seems right, as if the planets are not aligned. Professional goals following graduation may be disrupted by health issues. A long sought after marriage dissolves into chaos. A loved one dies before you have time to really appreciate their importance. Sometimes no matter how carefully you plan your life, events happen that you do not expect. 

While I have grappled with those out of sync times, the biggest game changer was when my son was first diagnosed with schizophrenia. For him that illness was an overwhelming upheaval as he faced the unknown outcome of a serious mental illness. The life that we had known up to that point would never return. Even with his recovery, the trajectory of our lives changed. When you encounter unexpected traumas days become filled with difficult decisions and unpredictable outcomes. The learning curve is high and intense. Stress seems never-ending. Survival can feel threatened and hope can be shaky.  

Looking back, we found an important contribution to his recovery that often gets overlooked: creating a sense of consistency. Of course, his early medical and psychological treatment, the community support that we eventually found, and our many prayers were important resources. But finding a sense of consistency when our world was falling apart kept us focused when we thought that we couldn't go on and actually provided a sense of hope that we could make this work no matter what happened.  

In my book, I used terms like “bulldozer mom”, stubbornness, and denial to describe what was actually a way to create consistency. For instance, I was determined that he return to high school classes as soon as his medication allowed him to function well enough. We took an adventurous family vacation during the spring break of his senior year (only months following his diagnosis). He walked his graduation with his peers. He worked that summer. He attended college band camp and started college that fall with the support of the Student Disability Office. In other words, despite his setbacks and challenges, he continued on the path that he had planned prior to his diagnosis. This is not to say that he did not need to continue his treatment or that all of this was necessarily easy for him. He struggled immensely but he was determined to stay on track as best he could. Did he finish his college education in the traditional four year time frame? No, his path took twice the normal amount of time, but he finished. Did he have relapses and difficulties during those years? Yes, including at least one major relapse that precipitated finishing school while living at home.  

While I know that not everyone with schizophrenia or serious mental illness can maintain a seemingly smooth, continuous life plan, the message is that finding ways to create consistency can be essential. Moving forward as much as possible can have an important message of hope and the possibility of recovery. “Giving up” or withdrawing sends the opposite message.  

Consistency healed in other ways too. Just having a daily routine or structure was helpful and reassuring. While he was at college, he had a regular routine to follow. He ate breakfast in the cafeteria. He attended classes and studied in the library. He participated in activities at the Student Disability Office. He met with his psychiatrist and psychologist regularly. He called me every night at 7pm even though I never asked him to do this. It was a reassuring check for both of us. Even though I am sure there were days that were not well-organized or that he did not keep his schedule as planned, the routine provided a guide to help him stay focused or to re-focus as needed. It was comforting to know what had to be done next, to have some sense of predictability in a world that had turned upside down for him. 

Certainly there are times to be adventurous and try new things. Routines can be tedious and can grow old. Seeking variety in life can be exciting. When you are in the middle of chaos, however, routine can provide a sense of comfort. Being able to predict your routine and behaviors when you are surrounded by uncertainty can be soothing and calming. The message becomes “You can do this! You can control what you do this moment; what you do this day; what you do this week.” Focusing on what you can manage, builds hope and confidence in your ability to move forward. Consistency can be both comforting and inspire hope.